Weird public sex with inanimate objects: benches, car wash vacuums, cars…

9-14-2010 Global:

Men constantly think about sex. Unfortunately when drunk, lonely, or desperate, this desire is sometimes expressed with inanimate objects. In adolescences, many boys “practice” sex with some pretty strange stuff—sandwich bags, heated peanut butter sandwiches, sofas—basically anything they can lube up or stick their willies in. While most men have had sex with inanimate objects behind double locked doors, though most won’t admit it, problems occur when these relationships are expressed publicly. Unlike most men who may entertain such fleeting thoughts as, “I wonder what it’s like to hump that inflatable dolphin floaty,” the following men actually acted on their impulses, and were caught.

Now, before you female readers start passing judgment on these men, consider that your precious sex toys are all inanimate objects. Also, I know many women who freely admit to pleasuring themselves on hot tub jets in the company of others. The only difference is that when men do it, they need a team of firemen to free them.

-Street Signs: If you don’t want to be arrested on suspicion of being a creepster, don’t shop for your wardrobe at Molesters Unlimited. Verle Peter Dills, 60, was arrested in South Dakota when he was caught in a someone’s backyard wearing a trench coat and panty hose while holding a camcorder. The police found hours of tape featuring two years worth of Dills banging street signs. The footage also included him in an all leather S&M outfit grinding against a door frame, masturbating in front of traffic while wearing a mask, waving a gun at people while naked, and digging a hole to plant some man seed.

-Videotapes and a Gumball Machine: (9/09) Rick C. Musgnung, 32, was caught twice at a 48 Hours Video store in Pennsylvanian rubbing his crotch on videos as well as humping the floor and a gumball machine. After he performed these acts, he told the girl working there that she must attract a lot of business. ..For the remainder of this story: by The Daily Loaf