NY- Therapists: Tough to spot women who abuse their pupils

6-1-2009 New York:

She might be lonely and have trouble forming adult relationships. She might believe she has fallen in love. And she could be difficult to spot.

In the wake of accusations last week that a West Babylon woman who taught middle school in Queens had a sexual relationship with a student, experts said limited research makes it tough to pin down a profile for female teachers who have sex with students. But, they said, they sometimes display similar characteristics.

In interviews last week, sex abuse experts discussed such cases in general, but none have studied in detail the case of Melissa Weber, 27, the local teacher who pleaded not guilty Friday and remained jailed Saturday.

Female sexual abusers "tend to be emotionally stunted," said Charol Shakeshaft, a former Hofstra professor of educational leadership who is now at Virginia Commonwealth University.

"They've stopped growing emotionally" past their middle school years, she said.

Using tactics like lying, isolation and manipulation, sexual abusers in schools trap students, particularly vulnerable ones who are grateful for attention, according to a 2004 study written by Shakeshaft commissioned by the Department of Education.

Sex abusers in schools can be difficult to spot, said Terri Miller of the national group Stop Educator Sexual Abuse, Misconduct and Exploitation. "They will groom a community just as well as they groom a victim," she said.

Indeed, many teachers who abuse students are "those most celebrated in their profession," Shakeshaft's study showed.

Typically, a female teacher who engages in a sexual relationship with a student had been relatively mentally healthy, but perhaps had trouble with boundaries, said Stephen L. Braveman, a sex therapist in Monterey, Calif. She may rationalize the abuse: " 'It must be OK. This is really love,' " he said.

The "naive experimenter" doesn't fully understand what she's doing is wrong, Braveman said, while the "undersocialized" abuser might have difficulty with adult relationships.

"This teacher does not necessarily hang out in the teacher's lounge," he said.

Women sex offenders tend to have a history of sexual trauma, said Julia Hislop, a licensed clinical psychologist in Norfolk, Va., and author of "Female Sex Offenders."

In contrast with male perpetrators, female sex offenders "don't seem to have a specific sexual fixation just on children," she said. And there is evidence that women who commit sexual offenses rarely do so with strangers, she said. ..Source.. by CHRISTINA HERNANDEZ