CO- Predators tend to ‘groom’ their victims

There is a problem with this article, while it is true that there are 'sexual predators' it is also true that not every person who has committted a sex offense is a predator. Note the author's comment "About 80 percent of offenders knew victim before making assault," if the offender knew the victim, how can the offender be a predator? This is a fault of far too many writers..

4-12-2009 Colorado:

About 80 percent of offenders knew victim before making assault

The ultimate goal of a sexual predator is to increase access to a victim and decrease the probability of their intent being discovered by others, according to Jenny Lehl, Outreach Coordinator for Family Crisis Services, Inc.
“Grooming is the setting up or preparing another person to be the victim of sexual assault,” Lehl said.

“Habitual sex offenders love to set themselves up as people in a position of trust with children.”

Whether it’s youth pastors, music teachers, coaches, the neighborhood nice guy who is always “Mr. Handyman,” setting himself up to be around. They like to have relationships with their victims.”

According to the Colorado Department of Corrections, 80 percent of all offenders knew their victim, prior to offending, said Lehl.

And, Colorado Coalition against Sexual Assault, CCASA, states one in four women and one in 17 men have experienced at attempted or completed sexual assault in their lifetime.

Predators “set themselves up with a double life,” said Lehl. “That’s a huge part of the game that sexual predators love. They practice deception all of the time. They practice the art of lying and avoiding all of the tell-tale signs associated with lying.”

(eAdvocate Post)

Among the most common grooming behaviors exhibited by predators include presenting oneself positively to a child; seeking the attention and friendship; often is overly complimentary; learns the child’s habits, likes and dislikes; and, pretends to share common interests, backgrounds and experiences.

Lehl said there is no typical perpetrator. However, grooming behaviors are fairly typical amongst sexual offenders. She lists seven methods of perpetrators taken from the “Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker.

— Forced teaming: “Forced teaming is making a ‘we’ when there shouldn’t be a ‘we,’” Lehl said.

It is often difficult for a child to rebuff the groomer without feeling rude. Forced teaming is a projection of a shared purpose or experience that is intentional in order to manipulate the child.

— Charm and niceness: People seeking to control others almost always present the image of niceness in the beginning, Lehl said. “Just because a person is charming or nice does not mean they are good or safe,” she said.

— Too many details: Often, when someone lies, they begin to question how credible they sound. The person will overcompensate, Lehl said, by giving too many details to distract the person he has targeted, from the obvious. Lehl said it is important for people to remain self-aware.

— Typecasting: Typecasting involves a slight insult from the predator. It is usually easy to refute. The response is what the offender is looking for. The best defense, said Lehl, is to keep silent.

— Loan sharking: The predator will exchange favors but will always want to collect more. He will keep account and will offer something with the intent of using it against the victim.

— The unsolicited promise: The predator will use promises to convince a victim of intent. The promise is a reflection of the victim’s doubt.

— Discounting the word ‘no:’ When a perpetrator declines to hear the word “no,” he either is declining to relinquish control, or seeking to attain control over a victim.

“The central intent of grooming is to gain the potential victim’s trust, said Lehl. “Trust is one of the main modes of offending.”

In addition to grooming the victim, the predator often grooms the family.

“All predators will adapt their grooming to the child and family dynamics of their victim,” Lehl said. “There is case after case of sex assault on children where the families of the victims will write and visit the offender while they are in prison.”

It is because of those type of grooming behaviors that victims are hesitant to report the abuse. Lehl said the attitude of many victims is, “If mom and dad like and trust him, this must be OK.” ..News Source.. by Karen Lungu, The Daily Record